From: David Mathews [mailto:dmathew1@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, June 13, 2005 8:01 PM
To: wilbert enostacion; Roman Wanasen; 'Nathaniel Besinga'; 'Jim C. McDonald'
Cc: whlittle@pacific.net.ph; swallace8722@charter.net; halbrook@insightbb.com; jput32@pacific.net.ph; EarlS@cox-internet.com; jim_mc@juno.com; mmoriarty@houston.rr.com; mb1304@charter.net; styvas@t-online.de; dmathew1@tampabay.rr.com; coc_gsc@yahoo.com; bernsaq@yahoo.com; coc_ph2@yahoo.com; mario_osas@yahoo.com; jsapitula@yahoo.com; virgillamb@yahoo.com; lsalunga2003@yahoo.com; lsalunga@mozcom.com; lumapay@lycos.com; bnotarte@eudoramail.com; gambot@pacific.net.ph; wilgen777@yahoo.com; danielguindulman@yahoo.com; 'Espejo, Mario'; 'Bayaca, Remegio'
Subject: Missionary trip to Yellowstone
Dear Everyone:
Announcing my upcoming missionary trip to Yellowstone National Park (June 16 - 27). The goal of the upcoming Missionary Trip is to commune with God immersed in the beauty of His most extraordinary creative works. God spent several billion years creating the North American continent and fashioned a volcanic wonderland over the last two million years in Wyoming.
During the course of my missionary trip I plan to spend absolutely no (zero) time arguing with anybody about her religious affiliations or doctrinal convictions. If I happen to meet any Christians in Utah, Idaho or Wyoming, I will bless them as they go to worship God in their cathedrals and churches. If I happen to encounter any synagogues or mosques, I will pray to God with the Jews and Muslims. I will devote an especially large amount of time (approximately two
minutes) marvelling at the religious devotion of the Mormons and their endurance of persecution from New York to Missouri as Christians drove them from the East to Utah, God's country.
I don't plan to worship at any churches of Christ during this missionary trip. The Christians at the churches of Christ are too uptight, eager to find fault with each other and everyone else, and an unhappy bunch of people. I beg for God's mercy upon the church of Christ as I enjoy the fellowship of the Muslims and Buddhists. I pray for God to save the members of the churches of Christ as I worship with the Catholics and the Hindus.
After spending a week communing with God, the mountains, nature and every religious person that I meet, I will return to Florida and devote a great deal of attention to the beach. Seems like there are a bunch of sinners on the beach. Someone must teach the beachgoing sinners. Don't seek anyone else for the job. I volunteer to preach to the bikinis.
Though I would love to serve as a missionary to the Philippines, God demands that I spend my time enjoying the beauty of nature and the fellowship of every human. God demands that I love the Muslims, love the Jews, love the atheists, and argue with no one.
Anyhow, if God called for me to serve as a missionary to some distant country, I will only preach to the Swiss in Switzerland. Don't you know that Switzerland ranks among the most beautiful nations of the world, and it is peaceful, and its citizens are especially skilled at creating the best chocolate in the world?
Yes, I will serve as a missionary to Switzerland and no other nation. If the Filipinos love the gospel and want to participate in this great missionary endeavor they should send their contributions to me. I accept donations of all shapes and sizes in all currencies.
Please send me to Switzerland. God will love you for it. And so will I ...
Now if there is anyone in this world who claims to possess the Truth, all I can say to you: May God have pity on your soul. Now if there is anyone in this world whose religion leads them to perpetual arguments, I can only say to you: May God have mercy on your soul. Now if there is any preacher of consequence who chooses to become a missionary to the Philippines when there are not enough missionaries to Switzerland, I rebuke you: Are you some sort of fool?
Doesn't Switzerland deserve a missionary?
Okay, okay ... Ron Halbrook can have the Philippines, and I will take Switzerland. Thank God for Ron Halbrook!
Sincerely,
David Mathews