God’s law on marriage is not left unclear. Men seek to make it unclear with false and contradicting teaching, but regardless of the fact, however much men may twist and pervert God’s law on marriage, Jesus’ words will remain true and judge us in the last day (John 12:48).
Some Observations
Firstly, we can see from the above passage that God’s law on divorce and remarriage holds true to “whoever.” It is not limited to Christians, but like the institution of marriage itself, it was given for all men. “Marriage is honorable among all. ..” (Hebrew 13:4). Preachers who say that marriage is only for Christians run into an enormous amount of problems. They speak contradictory to the very text itself “whoever.” They also work hypocritically and contradictory to their own position. When a perceived married couple comes to Christ from the world, do they insist on also marrying them the day that they are baptized to keep from sexual immorality (1 Cor. 7:2)? If God’s law on marriage is only for those who are Christians, then that means that all “so-called” married people who come to Christ really were not married after all!
Secondly, we can also see from the above passage that a person commits adultery when they divorce or send away their spouse for any other reason than sexual immorality and marry another. In other words, of all the various reasons why people divorce, there is only one reason that God allows and vindicates—sexual immorality. Even beyond this Jesus taught, “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery. . .” (Matthew 5:32). Divorce lays a stumbling block for sin; therefore God hates it (Malachi 2:16).
Thirdly, we can see that one who marries a divorced person commits adultery. If a person marries someone who was divorced for burning bread or for sexual immorality, they are committing adultery, according to Jesus. Our Lord is clear that in the class of divorcees, there is only one kind of divorcee that can get remarried—the one who puts his spouse away for sexual immorality.
Marriage and Bible Covenants
The marriage bond is bound by a covenant, “. . .yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant” (Malachi 2:14). Like any Bible covenant, it can be broken. Jesus warns against such saying, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matthew 19:6). It is not that men CANNOT separate such, but that they better NOT separate it. Bible covenants have about four particulars as we find with Jehovah’s covenant with Israel: terms & conditions (cf. Exodus 19:5, 6); agreement of two parties (ibid. vv. 7, 8); ratification (Exodus 24:8, i.e., blood); witnesses (Deuteronomy 30:19; etc.). Likewise, in marriage there are terms that are agreed upon by two parties. It is usually ratified by some outward sign (i.e., marriage certificate, slaves used to jump over a broom, etc.). There are usually witnesses; God is always a witness (Malachi 2:14)! God only permits sexual immorality to break the covenant; and when such is evidenced, the innocent party is released from the commitment to the covenant. It is absurdly unscriptural to teach that the innocent party must remain obligated to the marriage contract when the spouse has violated it by whoring around. This principle is seen when God was released from His part of the covenant which involved making Israel His own special people. He was released when they committed spiritual adultery with the golden calf (see Exodus 9:5, 6; 32:10; 33:2, 3).
Defining Divorce
"Sending away" or "putting away" is what Jesus literally said Matthew 19:9. It seems that "divorce" as rendered in the NKJV is too restrictive in the sense that we customarily understand "divorce." We find this same problem in using the term "love" to translate the Greek word “Agape.” "Love" is too broad and "charity" is too narrow. So it is true in Matthew 19:9 with "divorces." The same word that Jesus uses in Matthew 19:9 translated "divorces" is more accurately translated "put away" in the King James Version. It is also rendered "sent away" (Acts 13:3, NKJV); "sent off" (Acts 15:30, NKJV); and "dismissed" (Acts 19:41; NKJV). So then Jesus is teaching that whoever shall put away, or send off, or dismiss his wife except for fornication, and shall marry another commits adultery.
What must happen for one to lawfully send their spouse off?
That answer seems evident.
First, fornication must have been committed by one's spouse.
Second, the "innocent" party must have evidence and know that is what happened. One cannot scripturally send one's spouse away by a "hunch."
Third the innocent party must take some amount of time to decide what to do with her unfaithful spouse. She can either reconcile to him or "put him away." How much time should the innocent party have? To act hastily is unwise and to wait too long could be sinful. To introduce a specific amount of time, however, is to speak from God's silence. Consider God’s covenant with Israel again. When Israel violated her contract with God, Jehovah said, "You are a stiff-necked people. I could come up into your midst in one moment and consume you. Now therefore, take off your ornaments, that I may know what to do to you" (Ex. 33:5). God could have destroyed them in "one moment," but He chose to take some time to "know" what to do to them. It is also important to note, that in that “time” which Jehovah took, He removed himself from their midst, “Go up to a land flowing with milk and honey; for I will not go up in your midst.” The point: some “time” needs to be given to consideration. One can easily picture a spouse who was cheated on by his wife saying, "You are an unfaithful person. I could put you away in one moment. Leave me alone that I may know what to do with you." No doubt God was testing Israel to see if they would obey His commandment.
Fourth, once time is given to fully assess the situation the innocent party needs to make a choice: either reconcile or put away. This is where Jesus says the "divorce" occurs. It should be understood that she can forgive him and still put him away. The sending away is simply a consequence of his sin if she so decides. For example, when David sinned with Bathsheba, Nathan told him that he was forgiven, but he still had to live with horrible consequences of his sin: the death of his and Bathsheba’s son, the sword devouring his children, and the enemy blaspheming his God (2 Sam. 12:9-14). Granted, if reconciliation is met, the innocent must guard against holding the sin over his head months or even years later. But if the innocent wife "sends him away" that is where Jesus says the divorce has happened. In the Old Testament they gave a certificate of divorce (Matt. 19:7; 5:31). This was a "writing of divorcement." This was not the divorce, but the certification of it. The divorce had already happened. A death certificate confirms that men are already dead; a birth certificate is given after souls are born; under the Old Testament a divorce certificate was given after the divorcing had taken place. It is a mute point, however, to argue over "when does the divorce actually happen?" Once the innocent decides to divorce the unfaithful spouse for fornication, there no longer remains any obligation to live with one as their bed partner. This is true, not necessarily because the bond is already broken, but because the unfaithful spouse released the innocent one from honoring her part of the marriage covenant by the one lawful reason of infidelity. Furthermore, since we are commanded to obey the laws of the land, the innocent cannot remarry until the civil dissolution of the marriage is met. Consider these points:
1) The "putting away" as used and understood by Jesus is something that only the innocent one is authorized to do. The guilty doesn’t have this right. It is done after fornication is evidenced, after time has been spent to consider and wisely assess the situation, and after a decision is reached. Once the decision is made and the guilty spouse is sent away, the marriage bond is dissolved.
2) The rule as stated in Matthew 5:32 which clears one of causing their mate to commit adultery when they divorce is the sexual violation of the marriage bed. "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for ANY REASON EXCEPT sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery. . ." (Matt. 5:32). That Jesus is addressing the popular school of thought during his day that taught one could divorce for any trivial reason should be understood (cf. Matt. 19:3).
It is also worth considering that Paul addressed something which Jesus had not personally addressed in his personal ministery regarding the hardship and distress that can be placed upon a family because of "FAITH."
"But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him" (1 Cor. 7:12, 13).
This "if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him," seemingly implies an exception to the RULE of Matthew 5:32. Paul address the woman believer not to divorce if her spouse is willing to live with her. But what if he is not willing to live with her? Where an unbelieving spouse is unwilling to live with his spouse, it seems that she is not causing him to commit adultery if she "divorces" (Gk. aphiemi)or sends away, lets go, permits him to go." This doesn't license her to remarry, it only releases her from the condemnation of "causing him to commit adultery (cf. 1 Cor. 7:11).
This exception to the rule should not be so surprising to the sincere Bible student. There is a rule that forbids women to speak in the church.
"Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church" (1 Cor. 14:34, 35).
Women are not permitted to speak "in church." Yet, they can speak "in church" during congregational singing (Eph. 5:19). We could list other rules like the church relieving widows indeed (1 Tim. 5:3, 16). Yet the church can give a form of relief to any Christian "in need" (Acts 2:45; 4:35; 11:28-30; 1 Cor. 16:1-3; Rom. 15:25-27). Women are to submit to their husbands in "everything" (Eph. 5:24). Yet, there are obvious exceptions to this. She doesn't need to submit to his will to do anything that violates the law of Christ.
3) The Bible teaches that there are only two things that can dissolve the marriage bond—sexual immorality and death (Matthew 19:9; Romans 7:1-3). Someone illustrated it like this:
The Bible word describing the marriage bond means to tie together as with chains. Picture a man and woman handcuffed together. That is the scriptural view of marriage. In God's view, you can only get out of a marriage two ways: death or scriptural divorce. In man's view, you can get a divorce for any reason, but God says they're still bound. People handcuffed together can separate in a number of ways. First, they may both simply unlock the cuffs. This is what happens when a spouse dies; they are free from that law and the living one is free to marry whomever he wishes (Rom 7:1-3; I Cor. 7:39). Second, they may cut the chain; they are no longer together, but they are nevertheless still shackled. This is the unscriptural divorce. Neither one is free to remarry. If someone puts a handcuff on their other hand too, that is, they remarry; they are adulterers, being shackled to two at once. However, the original couple can fix the chain and thus be reconciled. Third, only one may unlock the cuff. This is the scriptural divorce; one is free to remarry (Mat 19:9) but the other is still bound as long as that person lives (Rom 7:2). However, if that person puts on again that shackle, they are reconciled. If someone else puts on the shackle, they commit adultery.
4) The obligation to the marriage covenant ends when evidence of fornication is found. It can resume if reconciliation is sought and achieved, but the innocent one is no longer bound to the covenant until then. The sexual responsibility has therefore ended along with the roles that uniquely accompany each gender. Consequently, there is no authority to teach that the innocent party has a sexual obligation to her unfaithful spouse. The violator of the marriage bed frees the innocent’s duty to it. Using 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 to prove that the innocent party does have that obligation is twisting the scripture and distorting its context. Paul is discussing a healthy marriage, not one that was rent asunder by fornication.
Be smart who you marry. Realize that God’s law is one man bound to one woman for life. Realize that those who commit fornication and adultery will be judged by the Lord as sinners (Heb. 13:4). If we keep our eye focused on our marriage to Christ (Rom. 7:4), then Christ will keep our bond to our mates strong.
(Revised and updated: June 24, 2005)
